Welcome to episode 5 of the Grace Cafe Podcast! In this episode, we reach back to 2015 and pull over one of our favorites from the old Chief Sinner Podcast. The audio is a little rough because we were still trying to figure out how to podcast. What you are going to hear in this episode was originally episode 19 of the Chief Sinner Podcast, airing on October 19, 2015. In it, Susan and I talked about her the recent blog post, Out of My Chains and Into Your Mercy. If you haven’t read that post yet, you may want to read it before listening to this episode.
After 6 1/2 years of depression, anxiety, good counseling, and good friends, she made the decision to see a therapist. We talked a little more about our story and her time in both the counselor’s office and the therapist’s office in her struggle to overcome PTSD and the therapist’s use of EMDR as part of the cure. If you’re not familiar with those terms, the blog and podcast will explain them. In her blog post, Susan wrote:
“How old was I when I became convinced that in order to be acceptable to people, I needed to wear masks. When were the words spoken to me that had convinced me that I would be unacceptable and worthless if I were to remove those masks? That I was a disappointment to everyone around me and to God? I had to record how I felt at that moment. That moment when I confessed I had been diagnosed with severe depression, that I didn’t think I was a believer, and that I couldn’t keep being what everyone wanted me to be. How did I feel in that moment when I was told by my pastor that I was dragging the name of Jesus through the mud? Where did I feel it? In my stomach? in my brain? In my chest? Well, I can remember that moment with great clarity when all of my fears became true and all of my doubts were confirmed. The belief that God was not really pleased with me. That I was a disappointment to Him. That if I ever removed my masks and showed others who I really was, with all of my struggles, that people would be disappointed in me as well.”
Susan’s blog post that this episode is based on can be found here: